Tag Archives: psychology

Haunted


It haunts like a never ending plague

The stench of failure

Putrid and suffocating

Hounding like an ancient mad dog

Hysteria sings a song

As she began to sleep soundly in the heart

The hope lost was never of any existence

Haunted by the trees and breeze

Haunted by the whisper of a word

Chased by the songs of life

Which only plays a tune of melancholy

Sadness is never foreign where joy never was

Like daily bread

Being haunted was a regular norm

Me

Brown powder on my face

Red on my lips

Brighten my skin

All for me

Through out my life

I had sought for peace

In places that were not for me

For I  had not beauty

I had not charisma

I had not anything sparkly

But I had me

Me, me, me

My existence on this planet

That might just be enough for me

But what if I want more

If I want to be-

Brighter!

Shiny!

Lovable!

Loved!

Different!

Charismatic!

Special!

But I remained just flawed

Me
This poem is kind of special to me because when I penned it down,i noticed that all the lines refer/point back at ‘me’.

Space

I long for space

Where I can go be myself

Not contain what I truly feel,who I truly am

I crave for that longing to belong in someplace

Where I will be called a friend

And treated like a member

I want to be understood

To see someone hear me speak

And really listen

Nodding repeatedly without saying a word

Or much worse a criticism

A silent “I understand”

A simple approval

Transcends complexities, Community,communication,

I seek for a space

Complain freak

“Cheap fabrics,cheap meals”

“I deserve more than this!”

But what did you do for yourself?

Did you go out to work

Rather than sit and complain

Daydreaming of gold and silver

Craving for the riches of the earth

Even when it stared at you in the mirror

You!

The underestimation of what you can do yourself

Without the nagging and begging

Or waiting for a guilty meal ticket

You deserve more,

only when you give more, in talent and practicality

He will come

 He will come

He can’t leave me here

Oh no he won’t

Not in this place

He will save me

Coming in like a storm

Helping me get back up

He will surely come

He knows I can’t go on without him

The feeling of my burden

He knows

The faith I have,it shows

He has to come

Because I cannot get on if not

Oh no

He will not come

Why do I decieve myself?!

Apathy

My mind is in a blank place

After anger and sadness had merged together

Creating an emotion I had never dreamed of

Making room for lack of hate or lack of love

Just there

Existing calmly on the surface

After the world has toyed with my emotions

Telling me this,then telling me that

Calling me weak

Yet insisting I be strong!

Insinuating that I am magical for lasting this long

When I was just a regular being

Forced to act tough

I have been broken

And cannot be any longer

Like fine sand,my pieces lay

Bound together again

by apathy

Only by my apathy,oh my apathy…

INFP struggles-MBTI

If you don’t know what “INFP” personality type means,i suggest you check out the Myer Briggs personality typing out.There are 16 personality types according to the MBTI,and also some not so major sub types,eg:A and T categories,etc.As an INFP here are some things I struggle with on a daily bases.

The INFP is know as the dreamer/mediator/healer personality.

I sometimes find myself in a state of constant daydream.Can you believe it, if I say I have created a complete world in my head.This world is filled with people both imaginative and real,performing the functions that I assign to them.Many will not be able to fully comprehend this.My world is a perfect rich make believe land, but it has troubles too.It can be hard to snap out of it,but I can always clearly distinguish my reality from my fantasy.This can lead me to being lazy when I’m actually ambitious.The INFP contradiction.

Because of my type,i’m prone to depression and being down on myself.I see the terrible things going on in the world and I know it can never be perfect.This makes me feel sad.I absolutely hate injustice and everyday I hope I can do more.I stand with the underdogs than the ones on top because I believe they need my help the most.I am unconventional and it puts me into trouble many times…I don’t share popular views and it angers people.I stand firm in my believe which I have a conviction about,not letting anyone shake me.
I am an introvert. Some people misinterpret this to mean that I am stuck up.My resting bitch face doesn’t help either.They think I am just strange or act above them when I desperately tried to fit in.Well,at this point,i’m done with all that.I sometimes say I’m a proud loner or a happy wallflower,unlike some wannabe wallflowers-those who say that to seem emo.But I’m not alone,my rich mind and world is my company any where I go.Literature and art is my medium.The need to end humanities pain is my motivator.I let my INFP creativity guide me.

I need constant stimulation,i get bored easily so my mind is always spinning with ideas.I abhor useless small talk yet I detest those who have nothing deep to say.I once cut ties with someone whose mind had no imagination,let me do all the talking and had nothing to say about the state of the world.I detest shallow people.Those who have no ideas of their own.Nothing to say that comes out of their own contemplation but what the media has told them.Those that cannot observe around them.The ones that live to just exist.The energy vampires that frustrate you,without you knowing why.

I hate injustice and double standards.Just as I stand for what’s right,i can turn a blind eye if you complain of injustice,while you are the type to be cruel.I’m not a people’s pleaser,a butt kisser,a social butterfly-so I have problems.I’m very thankful I was born INFP but also burdened.Sometimes I just get angry,if I was God I would have ended the world a long time ago.

Some people have literally told me that I think in a weird way, which was bad to them.I remember two people telling me to change the way I think.Why will I ever do that,lol.I know that I am superb to the extent of causing people confusion.As a child,i was shamed for being ‘too quiet” in public by my family.I was mocked for the way my voice went three times lower when I wanted to buy things.But now that my voice is all the way powerful,it does not stop family folks from looking for a button to push.

My room is messy,i get anxious easily,i have social anxiety,i am probably more radical than anyone you’ve ever seen,I appear cold but have a deep well of feelings,i am creative, disappointed and bored with the school system, I read for knowledge’s sake,brave,unconvention,free and most of all Me.

I am a proud INFP,no matter the struggles

Watch out for part two


It’s not about willpower!

Willpower had become a cliche word for in which so many self help people proclaimed to be an ultimate problem solver.Its only recently that studies on willpower show how limited it is.The effectual reliance on the short supply of this proclaimed wonder tool has no basis in actual keeping up with a positive habit.

It turns out that by rewiring the pattern of your brain,the need to use willpower frequently is not neccesary.The constant loop mode the brain is always in to repeat pattern and habits is our enemy,especially when it comes to creating change.If only we learn how to break the pattern and stop the habit when we notice the loop in action.

So no,it’s not about willpower when you want to change your habits,action,thought processes and your mind.It’s about doing something sporadically,out of the blue even as when your mind tells you to follow the old ways you are used to.When you begin to do this,it becomes more easier to try new stuff.Willpower becomes less needed to go through the day.

Be spontaneous!

Distraction and how to maneuver its lureĀ 

We switch on the tv and just want to watch it for a few minutes.Minutes grow into an hour,then more hours.At the end of that nice weekend,we begin to wonder all what we could have accomplished with our lives.And the cycle continues.Distraction-It’s something that robs us of our true intentions.It is the hindrance we create for ourselves.

Distraction leads to procrastination and the latter leads to unaccomplishment.This robs us of our joy as we feel our life is never complete.There is a thin line between being idle and being distracted.A need to maneuver this foe in our daily lives is neccesary,in order for productivity to abound in our lives.

How to bypass the lure of distraction

As we live and develop on this earth,we find more tools and skills to cope with the never ending challenges.This goes for whatever problems come our way,and this includes distraction.First,we must acknowledge our lives importance.No matter how mundane your life may seem,we are all significant in the grand scheme of things.

Though many might argue our collective insignificance in the universe,we must not forget how little drops of water makes a mighty ocean.By recognising the ability we possess and our importance,self evaluation becomes easy.Then can we realise the power we have to change our frame of mind and from there,our lives.

We should take note of what is most important in our lives.These are the things that give our lives meaning,flavour and colour.After identifying these things,we need to evaluate if enough attention and growth has been given to these areas.For example,if you like writing,ask yourself if you have given enough attention to this area.If you find sewing important to you,how much investment have you made in it with your time and effort?Baking?Have you raised your skill level recently?Do you like talking about being an entrepreneur,business and money?What are your accomplishments in these areas.If your answer is no,you need to ask yourself why that is.Then you need to figure out what has been taking up your time instead.In 99.9 percent of the times and scenarios,the culprit for our unproductivity is distraction.

The mind and eyes are easily attracted to shiny things.You will find that with proper research,what distracts us are enticing in apperance.It may be video games,too much sleep,social media,unnecessary drama,laziness and faux tiredness,wishing and imagination,chasing fun,etc.These are all distractions and they subtract from our lives instead of adding to it.If such distractions fills up our days,there is no way for us to build up skills in what truely interests us.We then get stuck in a trap box that we created by our own hands.A box of perpetual and repeating personal failures.A box of distractions.

Doing whatever possible to resist the shiny deceitful hour stealer will be an excellent start.It gets easier once we have started the process of saying “no” to all the negatives that fills our lives.Refusing to indulge in the things that keep us stuck,be it not eating clean,spending above your income,unproductivity,etc will break the pattern.The pattern needs to be broken for a daring side of us to surface.

We must act on what we positively desire for our lives. It doesn’t matter on what form of motivation you get or if you don’t believe in motivation at all,just do It !Positive and productive action is key.This step is left to us as soon as we realise our power and conclude that fear is an imagined threat.Besides,why should one be afraid of personal progress.It also boils down to realising how we self sabotage ourselves.Remember no one will come to our aid (usually)except ourselves!We own the life,therefore we must act in ways to enrich it.Maneuvering distraction is one of this ways.

Let’s be productive!