To spank or not to spank

Recently, I find myself running into plenty of ‘hitting a child’ debate online. I don’t know why I see this topic so frequently. Maybe I attracted it with my mind to solve an already existing argument inside me. After a good use of both logic and emotion, I find out that there is no logical argument for hitting children.

The only significance of such ‘discipline’ is tradition. It is an act passed on. The supporters of hitting children usually follow predictable false doctrine. “It’s just discipline” .” It keeps a child from going astray”. “It makes a child know right from wrong” . “The Bible says…” Well, i can disprove all of these.

Firstly, do you think it’s ok, to hit a dog with a stick several times? Chances are, that you’ll say no. After all it is common knowledge that you don’t train a dog by hitting it. The dog just knows how to avoid you and mark you as an aggressor, if you do this. This lack of hitting does not make the everyday dog untrainable though.

You train it by instruction and practice. The same goes when you teach them new tricks. What about reprimanding it? The same set of instructions, my friend. Then why will hitting children train them? Studies show that hitting a child only teaches them avoidance. They do not learn how not to do the wrong they beaten for, but a temporary avoidance of that act. Basically, hitting does not work.

Why is a man who hits his wife a bad man? After all, she was disobedient in his eyes. It can be justified in the same manner, that the wife is probably younger than the husband and needs discipline. The man is the head of the home isn’t it? But a man hitting his wife is called domestic violence not good old discipline. You know why this is?

Another lamentation is that kids that aren’t hit will be spoiled. Well, that’s a big lie. For the number of hit kids who do well in life the number is well matched to unhit kids who do great as well. So, you may ask, how then do we discipline children? With sensible, rational and more effective methods.

Taking toys from a child acting out for example. The child learns that they will be deprived from good things in life if they behave in a troublesome manner. He learns a lesson and the toy is returned then. Child always slams the door when angry? Remove the door. Or tell the child to close the door slowly 20 times. These methods are proven to work, than the infamous hitting.

Children are different and while one child will be able to disassociate from the traumas of being hit, another might internalize it. Hitting has been shown to cause anxiety and panic in the future of many children. A child that is naturally introverted can become less sociable and keep to themselves. A child is an human being. And yet pets gets treated better. In many countries, like mine, hitting a child is legal, in fact it’s a ‘necessary’ tradition.

The questions of when hitting turns to abuse comes to mind. When is it ok to hit, how, when, age, etc. Many hitters say a child should not be physically have wounds from it. If the child is hurt then, is it now considered abuse? What age is hitting a child ok, from age 2? 3? Where should the child be hit? How many hits are ok? How many hits are too much? They say it’s bad when you hit from anger and not from ‘love’. How do you know when a parent decides to hit from anger?

In many countries, it’s ok for a teacher to hit a child too. Does the teacher hit from love? or just from mere frustration? What ‘crime’ is worthy of hitting? Failing to respond fast enough? Coming home late? failing a test? Forgetting to wash the dishes?

I remember a mother who beat her child to death for not learning to write fast enough. She went to jail. That was discipline, right? If hitting a dog will not teach it anything but perpetuate animal abuse, why hit a defenseless child? Remember that culture changes. In the past, it was ok for British husbands to beat their wives. There was even a time table for it. But change brought about an end to the support of that abuse. The similarities between such abuse and hitting a child, is that the one with the most power uses it non positively against the weaker.

Some people would justify beatings they had as children and laugh like it was comedy. This is because most times abused people choose not to recognize the pain and mask it with humour. Some give their lives as evidence, overlooking the facts that state the opposite. If you’re doing we though you were beaten as a child, imagine if you had proper discipline instead. You’d be more okay!

It is a thing for some parents to beat their children and hug them afterwards, explaining while they were beat. That’s not good either. One lady recounted how her father applied balm on her after hitting her. That’s not heart warming. It just shows lazy parenting. It’s like an adult throwing a tantrum. It says, I will physically hit you to avoid using my brain to find a suitable punishment. It also encourages abuse. It’s like telling someone that they can beat their spouse and apply balm on the wounds later.

Even those who grow up knowing hitting their spouse was wrong, still carry the scar. Come up with creative punishment that is actually effective. A girl always ran away from home and did this till adulthood. She was beaten as a child, her hair cut off, but that didn’t keep her from continuously running away. A fine example of failed parenting. I’m sure her parents didn’t try to find out why she had the constant urge to leave home. But hey! Hitting children raises decent members of the society!?

Wrong. How many inmates and criminals have you seen? I’m sure more than half of them had a good share of childhood beatings. Still, they became crooks. A child that is naughty will not change from being hit. Another child that has not been hit might be naughty too, if no discipline is enforced. Hitting does nothing for a child that kicking a dog would.

Hitting has some results similar to too strict parenting. You know those parents that claim ownership of their children’s present, past, future, soul, body, spirit, etc. It renders a child with repressive behaviors. Some might appear : rebellious when free or withdrawn and unable to function one their own. But that is another topic.

Now, the Bible is famous for using paradox, illustrations and hyperbole. Thus the spare the rod thing. Also note the culture of the Jews of the time. It is compulsory for orthodox Jews to wear hair covering, but you don’t as a Christian. Also men wore gowns then. But hey, I’m just saying. Don’t be frustrated with the high rates of violence, Marital abuse and unchanged children, if you choose hitting after all.

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The support of societal degradation

Some things are just ok, while others aren’t and we seem to know this well. Except when we get confused with the blurred lines. Due to television and a mass brainwash of the world population, we begin to support things we otherwise would not. We find ourselves rooting for the bad guy in the movie and we get shocked with ourselves. When did we begin to blur the lines between right and wrong?

I recently watched vampire academy, a movie that came out in 2014. This will be our case study. And I was shocked by how I had normalized appalling things. First. it was an Harvey Weinstein movie. Second it was a movie about people who sucked blood, vampires. Also, there was a romance between the underaged I7 year old character (the lead actress, though older in real life?) and a 38 year old man. I’m sure for the vampire part, you’d say that I’m too critical, because movies about vampires are a regular thing.

However, a subtly hinted pedophilic relationship is another thing. Though both characters restrain themselves, they finally give in. To the uncritical eye, it might not seem like much, because they can just wait till she’s 18,right? Though he is 20 years older than her. The main issue has to do with the insinuations each of these concepts represents than the actual depictions. As a fiction writer, I understand how the imagination brings weird things into a beautiful light. However, they seem to be a purposely normalization of that which isn’t.

For example the constant representation of vampires on our screens, to the extent that a vampire film is not considered horror. In the past, it doesn’t matter how much human attributes had been assigned to the vampires, the movie was still horror. But now blood sucking beings are just a walk in the park. If such inappropriate relationship is considered ok, what about a 14 girl with a 30 year old man, who is to say that isn’t ok then? There was one thing I noticed with the normalization of these concepts. They were done in an attractive setting, with conventionally attractive people.

Therefore people see these and forget their feelings of disgust and fear. They fall for the lead mans hotness. and the lead lady’s attractiveness. After all a society that worships sexuality will be blinded by looks. So the girl and guy look good, the girl is given a mature air, so why not? They looked great in the kissing scene where he was under a love charm that influences the ‘love’ he already has for her. He rips her dress and they both have fit bodies. They don’t have sex but the attractiveness of it removes our minds from a 38 year old man and a 17 year old girl. Another line blur is the transformation of an innocent, good vampire into one of the inhuman ones. Are we to care then when she’s killed?

This movie is a good example of the use of elegance and beauty to support, well, sin. To keep up with appearances they divide the vampires into three categories. Of course there is a bad type. These type are void of emotions or any humanity. These makes them only killers. Definitely,we don’t like them. And the illusion of ‘bad’ is complete. The 17 year old character also has another student crush on her. She does not tell him off, so it’s a love triangle situation.

Another theme, a royal bloodlines of blood drinkers, do I need to say more?

What I’ve noticed about famous sun in libra people

Libra’s are known as the always pleasant people of the zodiac. After all they are ruled by venus, the planet of love and pleasures. But what I’ve noticed is that libra’s have an hidden side. This side might not be noticeable though.

Many libra’s usually do a 180 on their character when they gain fame. They become less nice. Or at least they actively put an effort in not being nice. It’s not by being bitchy but by creating a persona of authority.

These can come out too strong at times. Take celebrities like Simon Cowell. He is known as the Devil’s advocate in that talent show program. He is the one that is not afraid to be blunt or say that “not nice” thing (that you were probably thinking). I’m sure his personality is different in private life. Instances like these can be attributed to other libra sun celebrities, like Kim Kardashian.

Others come into my mind, even a libra sun in position of power that I know personally. They create this purposeful unniceness after achieving considerable professional success. It’s like a defense mechanism.

It’s like they’re trying not to appear soft in order not to be crushed in the professional world. Another interpretation can be that such phenomenon occurs because they are air signs. Air signs are more rational than emotional right? The combination of such a pleasing planet like Venus and an intellectual element like air sure creates an interesting sign.

Oh- And I’ve noticed they give this air to those of a lower position to them, not really to their peers.

A sudden clash of thunder, it’s time

Only if your meditation has brought you a light that shines in every night will even death not be a death to you but a door to the divine. With the light in your heart, death itself is transformed into a door, and you enter into the universal spirit; you become one with the ocean.
And unless you know the oceanic experience, you have lived in vain. Now is always the time, and the fruit is always ripe. You just need to gather courage to enter into your inner forest. The fruit is always ripe and the time is always the right time. There is no such thing as wrong time.

-Osho

Perception is reality 

‘What you see is what you get’ can’t ring any truer. Perception of things is what makes up our version of reality. Reality is not real, but a crafted concept from the imagination of our individual thoughts. We make our lives pleasurable or sad by what we choose to see and what we choose to ignore. Most times we ignore the obvious good and focus solely on the bad. How then do we expect our reality to be pleasant? When we see others succeeding and we react with jealousy or chalk it up to luck; how then do can we expect good fortune?

Life can be bitter even for a man with the latest cars, clothes, popularity and splendor. Physical reality has no influence to what we focus our energy on. Energy is the key to life and the way we use it is very vital to our existence. We attract what we put our energy into.

Let’s put our energy in the right perception and welcome the best reality.

Why money isn’t everything, but power is

If I tell you money is overrated, I’m sure you’ll look at me like I’ve lost my mind. But from looking at how the world worked and still works, you will understand what I mean. If the people in power who mint and create money suddenly decide to stop, what will happen? Will the rich still be rich? That was why in the past, the truly wealthy had their wealth measured by gold.

The Gold standard was key because it was considered one of the most valuable assets. It was even more important because it was rare and was of a limited supply. The ground has to be dug to search for gold. These reason made it a mark of wealth. The same goes for silver and the not so respected bronze. Diamonds were a sign of wealth too (basically most natural resources), but gold, silver and bronze were key trading (buying and selling) materials.

In some places, cowries were used by the masses to buy and sell. Cowries were also natural to the earth, but they were not precious enough to make one rich. And of course the famous trade by barter. By observing trade by barter, you’ll see how money just acts as an exchange of value. The ancient ones gave something they had for what they wanted. For example, someone who wanted to buy a small/ medium plot of land would negotiate with the seller on what was needed in exchange. This kind of big transaction was mainly done by the rich and the exchange was likely gold or silver. But a lower value person who lacked gold might suggest given 5 rolls of cotton and 100 potatoes. If the buyer and the seller agree on this value of exchange, the sale is made. But this was stressful many times, as the seller might not want what the buyer has. This lead to the buyer doing barters with other people to get what the seller values.

So basically money is an affirmation of someone’s value. What does this person have that can make me have what I want? But money is a controlled supplied entity, unlike gold. And even the latest buzz in the financial field, Bitcoin (and other crypto currency) is still a controlled supplied entity. Though Bitcoin might have a fixed number in existence and cannot increase, it still isn’t gold. The nature of the coins are just like Fiat money – Absolutely changeable and unstable. It can crash and increase depending on how the strings are pulled.

Now to the other part of the title “…, but power is”. Defining power in the first place is a complex subject. It has so many definitions and sometimes blended in with authority. At the end of the day, power is simply the ability to control. Whatever controls someone has power over the person. Let’s say I have a boss, he tells me when to go and when to come. He has power over me. If I’m susceptible to being controlled by my emotions, it has power over me.

Are all powers bad? No. And vice versa for the opposite question. The people who created the system of money have the power. The people who created the system of crypto currency have the power. Well, God created Gold and we all know of His power. Take note that I am not condemning money ( As me and money attract and like each other), but rather the thinking of forgetting that the world is ruled by power.

No, the world is not ruled by money like you’ve been made to think. Because if money is a show of inherent value, obviously those who have power will have it. It’s like a bird having feathers. That’s easy, because all you need to do is be a bird, feathers are part of the bundle. There can be a country today that solely decides not to have a currency and it can be a wealthy nation. It’s just that the powers that be will not like it and try to suppress them. Why does the world all follow the US dollars? Even when pounds and Euros have an higher value. Power. That’s to show you how people follow power first.

Actually when people say that they need money, they mean something else. Most times, it’s many other things. They might mean that they want to enjoy the luxury of wealth. Or they want to have new clothes, visit another country, build a house, buy books, etc. Money is just a synonym of ” Enough value to have what I want”. What about credit cards? Those pieces of cards that lets you get stuff free that you have to pay for later. That is still perceived value. That money does not currently exist for you, but you are allowed to buy while your value decreases. You have to pay back, or you get into debt as a valueless person.

So, value is synonymous to power as money is synonymous to wealth. The unwise chase money as a means to no end and do not get much of it. While those who understand the concept and creation of money, get as much of it as they want. This is because they strive for power, as much as they want to acquire. Then money cannot control them, but works for them. And if money turns to rubbish today, it will not affect their wealth.

How to feel alive when going through depression

It’s not easy and it seems that no one notices or cares.

But what we feel as I have come to realize many times have nothing to do with the reality. Depression is undescribable. And to lay men and people that have never experienced depression that compare it to sadness… Well, they are very ignorant. To care for ones self is important when depression hits, because frankly the battle is only felt by you. Now, how to feel alive in the midst of turmoil:

  • Choose self love first: Embracing yourself no matter how you feel about your self currently. Think of yourself as a farmland that grows and changes with time. Know that you are not fixed and anything can change. It’s easy for voices of discouragement to come, but remember that they are all lies. And the best part is that this is applicable to anyone, so that voice will not be able to tell you different.
  • Be greatful: I myself has seen the effects of gratitude in my life (and also the lack of it). Once we express gratitude for all we have (even when it feels like we have nothing at all), we do our soul a big favour. It’s not just God that will like it, as it has far more benefits for your emotions and positivity. Be grateful for you merely existing if you feel like there is nothing to be greatful for.
  • Do not try to shut up the judgemental voices: I will say that it’s best to not try to fight a battle in your head. You can casually refuse all the lies that depression feeds you, but going back and forth with the voices do not help. Let things flow, as hard as that may sound. Soon you’ll find out that you don’t need to fight it.
  • Go out, do stuff: Feel the air, even if it hurts. Go outside and play even if you don’t feel like it. The same goes for anxiety. Meet with friends and interact. Do not lock yourself inside because of fear. Though you may want to go slowly, make some steps.
  • Quit stuff: Do not be afraid to quit some habits or activities. If hanging out with a group is making you worse, stop doing it. Say no to what you don’t want. This is a time to take control of your life. Also, now the true friends and the snakes will come into light. Be strong in your own decisions for how to make your life feel better.
  • Get help, accept care: Do not hesitate to get help. Feel free to reach out to people you know or don’t know that can help. There are many organizations, sites and groups that help with depression. All you have to do is reach out to find them. Let yourself be cared for, this does not make you weak. You do not have to go through it alone. Remember you have always have a choice.
  • Take medication confidently: If it requires medication given to you by the doctor, take it. Do not be ashamed to take drugs to help your mental well-being till you get better. Remember that it’s not only physical pain that needs treatment.
  • Think of the people you love: You will not want them to be hurting if you take a rash action. know how your pain feels and I know that that is not how you wish anyone to feel. Choose life by remembering the people you will not want to leave behind.

Finally, know that love is still abundant in this cold world.

And for those who have someone who you think might be going through depression.

‘Why didn‘t she tell us she was depressed?”

She did. She told you when she started hiding in her room. She told you when ‘the cat’ suddenly started scratching her more than usual. She told you when she said she wasn’t hungry and began pinning the clothes you just bought her.

She told you when she stopped doing her school work and cried when you called her lazy. She told you when she locked her bedroom door at night. She told you when you noticed alcohol missing and she started waking up with headaches. She told you when she spent an hour in the shower and came out with putty eyes.

She told you. The thing about depression is that it’s quiet. It isn‘t loud. and the reason

you didn’t hear it was because you weren’t really listening.

Anon

Now is the time to take action.

Why you should not have a new year’s resolution

I remember those days when I was younger, before every new year I will think about resolutions to make. Sometimes I would have lists, though this lists most times did not make it into February. Then I reached a point where I stopped having them. A simple realization hit me, new year resolutions are just wishful thinking. Many people think that the start of a new year gives then superhuman strength to perform deeds to drastically change their lives. They believe that creating new year ‘goals’ mean something.

But that is not how life works. A new year is just like another new day. Vowing to do something just because it’s the beginning to of the new year means nothing – Nada, Ziltch. So, rather than have a ‘new year resolution’ have a lifetime resolution. This type of resolution will be practiced, remembered and renewed in your daily life. And most importantly this resolution must be followed with action. Without consistent action, all goals are just wishes.