Category Archives: psychology

The philosophy of psychology

Strength – motivation

Be thankful for the struggles you go through. They make you stronger and wiser. Don’t let them break you. Let them make you

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Your life, not society’s life!

Don’t let other’s life path dictate yours.

This one lesson we should learn. We all want success and admiration. And if we see our friends and colleagues making progress, we check our lives. If we are not moving as fast as them, we become saddened. If we are, then we feel relief.

This wrong. Our journeys are different and we grow unhappy with comparison.

For me, the purpose of life first and foremost is to be happy and impact others positively. To leave the world feeling like you’ve done the right things.

We all live and die, and spending our waking moment obsessing or chasing things because society tells you that it is success, isn’t the best way to live.

Create your own path.

Understanding |minute motivation

Hearing, seeing and understanding each other, humanity from one end of the earth to the other now lives simultaneously, omnipresent like a god thanks to its own creative ability.

And, thanks to its victory over space and time, it would now be splendidly united for all time, if it were not confused again and again by that fatal delusion which causes humankind to keep on destroying this grandiose unity and to destroy itself with the same resources which gave it power over the elements.

– Stefan Zweig

Individuality|minute motivation

My manner of thinking, so you say, cannot be approved. Do you suppose I care? A poor fool indeed is he who adopts a manner of thinking for others!

My manner of thinking stems straight from my considered reflections; it holds with my existence, with the way I am made. It is not in my power to alter it; and were it, I’d not do so.

– Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade

Do not seek approval or change your individuality.

Don’t fake it till you make it

You’ve heard the term, “fake it till you make it”. It’s the catch phrase of many mentoring gurus and get successful experts. But I’m here to tell you what may shock you. Don’t do it.

You may ask why?

I mean, how else would you get somewhere without putting up an image. My reply to this is that creating an image for yourself doesn’t have to do with faking it. Proclaiming titles and Image enhancing attributes doesn’t mean acting like you
are an expert on what you aren’t yet.

Faking it breeds bad reputation and when people find out, you lose any legitimacy that you had before.

What then?

Be honest about your journey, growth and were you see yourself going. People would relate and applaud your honesty. They would see you as someone with integrity.

Remember, any skill can be learnt but honesty is a value

Let difficulties strengthen you

When you face difficult times, know that challenges are not sent to destroy you. They’re sent to promote, increase and strengthen you.

You have to use your difficult times as a means to build yourself. J. K Rowling wrote the best seller series Harry Potter at a time in her life where she hit rock bottom. She decides to use her circumstances for creativity. In creating a world of magic where even children could outsmart challenges, she found comfort. Even better, it took her to success. Let difficulties strengthen you.

The ethics of Euthanasia

I just came across a story about a young woman who wanted to end her life at the age of 17. She had been molested and raped at a young age. She wanted out on life since she could not bear with the pain. The government of her country is granting her request.

This made me ponder on the ethics of Euthanasia. Is it right to grant people legality to commit suicide? If so why? If not, why not?

It’s a very huge existential question with many answers. On the surface, it’s seen as absurd to grant such request. It’s like aiding a mentally disturbed person. However, the questions on the meaning of life reoccurs if thought about more in depth.

We can say that we aren’t born by choice. No one asked for our consent (at least to our physical earthly knowledge on things). A similar premise can be used for Euthanasia. Another angle comes in to play for supporting it. The questions are more on when it should be allowed. Is it when the person is very ill? Mental or physical pain? Old age? Boredom? Depressed?

I have no opinion on Euthanasia, as my moral compass is unsure in such things. However, my aim is to make you think.

Moving on from the past

One thing to always remember in life is that you can never go back to change the past, but you can change your future with actions from now. Forget the mistakes of yesterday you cannot change. As long as you live, as long as you’re alive, there is hope for success. Yesterday, last year, ten years ago, 20 years ago is the past. Even the last ten seconds is the past.

All you can do is learn from your mistakes from the past. It’ll help improve your future which can be 20 minutes from now, tomorrow,the next month, next year, 6 years later or 50 years. Or you can just keep waiting foolishly for a time machine. Or Just move on. Your choice.

The connection between anger and sadness

I call this the rage from pain

Many times our anger means a lot of different things. One of them is sadness. You see, there is a stage in life or a degree of bull* life has given you that transforms sadness to anger. When you feel an intense sadness with the hint of “how dare they”, it develops into anger. He cheated on you? You feel sad, and also angry. Because I loved him and how dare him, or because I am worth more than to have been with him.

Sometimes we are angry at life. Angry at people and places and concepts and ideas. Most times it is because we are sad. Maybe, the world has been quite disappointing and we had a lot of bad experiences. But the only way to express such depth is the boiling feeling of anger.

I’ll write more on this later on.

Narcissist abuse and the scape goat child

Narcissists are not normal people.

They are a special kind of evil that is born out of mental illness and an inferiority complex. This causes them to be delusional. And they take out this delusion on people in the family. One person suffers the most though.

This person is the scape goat child. The scape goat child is someone who cannot do anything right in the eyes of the narcissistic parent. They are usually the black sheep of the family. This is because they have learned that no matter what they do they cannot please the narcissist. But because we live in a world with emphasis on the family, scapegoats still have some sort of jaded relationship with narcissistic parents.

The scape goat child usually escapes with various sorts of mental scars that still shapes his adult views on life. The adult life is crafted by the cruel intentions of the narcissist. The scape goat child usually has self esteem issues and some form of anxiety. But there is hope. We are in charge of our life after all.

If love doesn’t work then try Stockholm syndrome

There is a thin line between love and hate they say…

Maybe that is much more true than we think. There are people who suffer from battering from their spouses and still claim to love them. Are they stupid? No they are not. We know they are just suffering from Stockholm syndrome. But how can one separate Stockholm syndrome from love? After all anyone can claim to love anyone.

The same thing goes for various victims of abuse from child abuse to sexual abuse. Many times our minds are not able to comprehend the fact that people hurt us. Especially people who are meant to love us. Even more so when they show random moments of kindness.

I mean if your parents treated you like trash but always bought you nice clothes, there is a tendency to feel a tad appreciate. People with the Stockholm syndrome tend to defend abuse with some acts of kindness rendered.

Do abusers utilize the possibility of Stockholm syndrome or is it just random. That is a question for another day.

Are many parent-child relationships Stockholm syndrome

Happy new year guys! I’m back!

Now, before you jump on me for the title, first here me out.

I have come across so many horror stories of adult children who have gone through so much childhood abuse. But… still have relationships with said parents. Even when they still abuse them in some way. It’s actually pretty common. Some even defend them, while some say that they forgive. But why? Why have a wishy-washy relationship with unrepentant tormentors.

I believe a reason is Stockholm syndrome. Parental Stockholm syndrome exists more than reported. If it is even a case of study. People defending or glossing over abuse in the name of family love is just exactly that. Which brings me to my blog post coming soon, “If love doesn’t work, try Stockholm syndrome”.

See ya soon.

Don’t use your energy to worry

The problem with most of humanity is how we use our energy. Our energy is important and the most important tool for our progress in life. The way we use our energy beats motivation. This is because our energy is most accessible, even when trying to be motivated is hard. So how do most of us use our energy wrongly? We use it to worry!

Worrying is a staple for the world. It can be noticed in even the most organized persons. It surrounds those who wallow in fear of something, this position blocking their success. When starting a new venture the first acknowledgement should be that it’s quite easy to worry. Then decide that you don’t want to use your energy this way. Worrying literally does nothing but restrict you.

It’s best to use your energy to fix things that you’ll be concerned about. Fear does nothing for us, so choose faith. Faith provides the best results for those who focus their energy to that direction. If you pay attention, the most positive people get the best results. If you decide to never be deterred by all the things that could possibly go wrong, you’ll always succeed. A happier life is for those who use their energy right.

Scorpio rising and the search for self

I’m a Scorpio rising and I’m very well familiar with being alone. There’s always a quest for the Scorpio rising to go on alone, even if it seems non existence. There is a feeling of powerlessness that comes from the lack of control. It always seems like we Scorpio risings can’t control the tides of life. We feel tossed about, with no one to fall back on but ourselves. This makes a way for anger to grow. The anger is always there, lurking beneath the surface.

We may seem put together to the world, but the emotions we feel are volcanic. To further make things worse, we choose not to open up to any one. We are ready to observe from a distance. Even when we seem open, we’re always hiding. There is a wall, because we know that the world is not fair and it hurts. A Scorpio rising sometimes chooses to see the comedic side of life. After much hardship, things are less serious than they seem to others.

Always on the path on transformation, we Scorpio risings find the bright side. A Scorpio rising can feel cursed or strange. Life is a Pandora’s box that needs to be open. Or sometimes left untouched. There is a feeling that there is a need to exert ourselves more. Then it goes away, moving to the feeling to just let everyone and everything go.

The Scorpio rising is a mind sojourner, always seeking the truth. They say the biggest battle we ever fight is in our minds. This is more true for a Scorpio rising. We achieve more with the control of our mind. We begin to understand the madness of it all. And then the beauty, after the pain.

People may hate us at sight, or love us. And we become ok with this. Because we understand that we’ll be judged anyways by someone, somewhere. It is inevitable to feel the burden of others projection on us. But it’s less of a load when we understand. We are who we are and we are wonderful. Our masks are transformative just as our true selves.

To spank or not to spank

Recently, I find myself running into plenty of ‘hitting a child’ debate online. I don’t know why I see this topic so frequently. Maybe I attracted it with my mind to solve an already existing argument inside me. After a good use of both logic and emotion, I find out that there is no logical argument for hitting children.

The only significance of such ‘discipline’ is tradition. It is an act passed on. The supporters of hitting children usually follow predictable false doctrine. “It’s just discipline” .” It keeps a child from going astray”. “It makes a child know right from wrong” . “The Bible says…” Well, i can disprove all of these.

Firstly, do you think it’s ok, to hit a dog with a stick several times? Chances are, that you’ll say no. After all it is common knowledge that you don’t train a dog by hitting it. The dog just knows how to avoid you and mark you as an aggressor, if you do this. This lack of hitting does not make the everyday dog untrainable though.

You train it by instruction and practice. The same goes when you teach them new tricks. What about reprimanding it? The same set of instructions, my friend. Then why will hitting children train them? Studies show that hitting a child only teaches them avoidance. They do not learn how not to do the wrong they beaten for, but a temporary avoidance of that act. Basically, hitting does not work.

Why is a man who hits his wife a bad man? After all, she was disobedient in his eyes. It can be justified in the same manner, that the wife is probably younger than the husband and needs discipline. The man is the head of the home isn’t it? But a man hitting his wife is called domestic violence not good old discipline. You know why this is?

Another lamentation is that kids that aren’t hit will be spoiled. Well, that’s a big lie. For the number of hit kids who do well in life the number is well matched to unhit kids who do great as well. So, you may ask, how then do we discipline children? With sensible, rational and more effective methods.

Taking toys from a child acting out for example. The child learns that they will be deprived from good things in life if they behave in a troublesome manner. He learns a lesson and the toy is returned then. Child always slams the door when angry? Remove the door. Or tell the child to close the door slowly 20 times. These methods are proven to work, than the infamous hitting.

Children are different and while one child will be able to disassociate from the traumas of being hit, another might internalize it. Hitting has been shown to cause anxiety and panic in the future of many children. A child that is naturally introverted can become less sociable and keep to themselves. A child is an human being. And yet pets gets treated better. In many countries, like mine, hitting a child is legal, in fact it’s a ‘necessary’ tradition.

The questions of when hitting turns to abuse comes to mind. When is it ok to hit, how, when, age, etc. Many hitters say a child should not be physically have wounds from it. If the child is hurt then, is it now considered abuse? What age is hitting a child ok, from age 2? 3? Where should the child be hit? How many hits are ok? How many hits are too much? They say it’s bad when you hit from anger and not from ‘love’. How do you know when a parent decides to hit from anger?

In many countries, it’s ok for a teacher to hit a child too. Does the teacher hit from love? or just from mere frustration? What ‘crime’ is worthy of hitting? Failing to respond fast enough? Coming home late? failing a test? Forgetting to wash the dishes?

I remember a mother who beat her child to death for not learning to write fast enough. She went to jail. That was discipline, right? If hitting a dog will not teach it anything but perpetuate animal abuse, why hit a defenseless child? Remember that culture changes. In the past, it was ok for British husbands to beat their wives. There was even a time table for it. But change brought about an end to the support of that abuse. The similarities between such abuse and hitting a child, is that the one with the most power uses it non positively against the weaker.

Some people would justify beatings they had as children and laugh like it was comedy. This is because most times abused people choose not to recognize the pain and mask it with humour. Some give their lives as evidence, overlooking the facts that state the opposite. If you’re doing we though you were beaten as a child, imagine if you had proper discipline instead. You’d be more okay!

It is a thing for some parents to beat their children and hug them afterwards, explaining while they were beat. That’s not good either. One lady recounted how her father applied balm on her after hitting her. That’s not heart warming. It just shows lazy parenting. It’s like an adult throwing a tantrum. It says, I will physically hit you to avoid using my brain to find a suitable punishment. It also encourages abuse. It’s like telling someone that they can beat their spouse and apply balm on the wounds later.

Even those who grow up knowing hitting their spouse was wrong, still carry the scar. Come up with creative punishment that is actually effective. A girl always ran away from home and did this till adulthood. She was beaten as a child, her hair cut off, but that didn’t keep her from continuously running away. A fine example of failed parenting. I’m sure her parents didn’t try to find out why she had the constant urge to leave home. But hey! Hitting children raises decent members of the society!?

Wrong. How many inmates and criminals have you seen? I’m sure more than half of them had a good share of childhood beatings. Still, they became crooks. A child that is naughty will not change from being hit. Another child that has not been hit might be naughty too, if no discipline is enforced. Hitting does nothing for a child that kicking a dog would.

Hitting has some results similar to too strict parenting. You know those parents that claim ownership of their children’s present, past, future, soul, body, spirit, etc. It renders a child with repressive behaviors. Some might appear : rebellious when free or withdrawn and unable to function one their own. But that is another topic.

Now, the Bible is famous for using paradox, illustrations and hyperbole. Thus the spare the rod thing. Also note the culture of the Jews of the time. It is compulsory for orthodox Jews to wear hair covering, but you don’t as a Christian. Also men wore gowns then. But hey, I’m just saying. Don’t be frustrated with the high rates of violence, Marital abuse and unchanged children, if you choose hitting after all.