How stoicism became my law of attraction

I’ve been someone who chased improvement constantly. Even if I found it hard to implement, I looked for it anyways. This is why when I met with the law of attraction, I felt like a lot of doors were open. I mean, it was way easy, just have positive believe systems, rewire your mind from negative thoughts and you will be set! That was what I thought. Oh boy was I wrong. It was not law of attraction per say that was wrong but the interpretation that we usually see.

Not everyone can follow such standards and even some who do, when they don’t see results after a while get disappointed, confused and pessimistic. I was one of these people. I tried listing to motivation youtube videos, subliminals, read books and articles on positive thinking… I even started to banish negative thoughts immediately they came into my mind. I was like, nope, not today satan. It was an endless battle. I saw positive results but not really on a massive scale. No great job, no visualized house in the Bahamas, no recognition. So I stopped. But I still wanted something to resonate with to keep me going daily. Maybe it might not tell me to visualize my dream car but just something.

I knew about Stoicism before and I had always liked it in some ways, though I never went deep in it. It had a realistic, no bull *hit way of looking at things. It was not linked to any spirituality, no secret worlds or distant realms to access first. It just was based on what you can do in the here and now. Daily. And even though I was someone always in love with the mystic, I loved that.

Recently, I went back to read more on stoicism. I was tired of being anxiety stricken, worried about tomorrow, worried about worrying about tomorrow, worried that my being worried was negative energy and inviting more problems for me. Then I realized stoicism was simple in regards to worry. They say in Stoicism “premeditatio malorum” which means visualize the worst. And I got my aha moment. That’s it! I have been too focused on thinking positive that the results had become counter productive.

Just a little background knowledge first, I’m an infp and a prolific daydreamer, so positive ‘visualization’ comes more naturally if I want. Unlike some other personality types that might have a problem with this. Thinking negative however, was easy, though not without emotional detachment. Negative visualization is like clearing the air in your mind. You’re putting all that can be messed up out there, acknowledging it, finding a solution and ending those thoughts then and there.

I noticed that with worry, the problem is fear and an uncompleted state of thought. If you’re worried about something, you’ve not really ended that thought. If you think , that subject should be closed from your mind, not lingering at the back of your mind. This is why i agree with premeditatio malorum. It seems unproductive but actually makes sense.

Stoicism says that we do may not have control of the external world but we do have control of our thoughts. Law of attraction says that our thoughts makes our external world. Both are right and work for their avid practitioners. Though it doesn’t seem so, but both stoicism and the law of attraction are similar in this way: Let go of power. Don’t be attached to the achievement of any goal. However, I think a principle devoid of pressure worked for me at this state in life, and might be just what you need right now.

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Moving on from the past

One thing to always remember in life is that you can never go back to change the past, but you can change your future with actions from now. Forget the mistakes of yesterday you cannot change. As long as you live, as long as you’re alive, there is hope for success. Yesterday, last year, ten years ago, 20 years ago is the past. Even the last ten seconds is the past.

All you can do is learn from your mistakes from the past. It’ll help improve your future which can be 20 minutes from now, tomorrow,the next month, next year, 6 years later or 50 years. Or you can just keep waiting foolishly for a time machine. Or Just move on. Your choice.

The connection between anger and sadness

I call this the rage from pain

Many times our anger means a lot of different things. One of them is sadness. You see, there is a stage in life or a degree of bull* life has given you that transforms sadness to anger. When you feel an intense sadness with the hint of “how dare they”, it develops into anger. He cheated on you? You feel sad, and also angry. Because I loved him and how dare him, or because I am worth more than to have been with him.

Sometimes we are angry at life. Angry at people and places and concepts and ideas. Most times it is because we are sad. Maybe, the world has been quite disappointing and we had a lot of bad experiences. But the only way to express such depth is the boiling feeling of anger.

I’ll write more on this later on.

Narcissist abuse and the scape goat child

Narcissists are not normal people.

They are a special kind of evil that is born out of mental illness and an inferiority complex. This causes them to be delusional. And they take out this delusion on people in the family. One person suffers the most though.

This person is the scape goat child. The scape goat child is someone who cannot do anything right in the eyes of the narcissistic parent. They are usually the black sheep of the family. This is because they have learned that no matter what they do they cannot please the narcissist. But because we live in a world with emphasis on the family, scapegoats still have some sort of jaded relationship with narcissistic parents.

The scape goat child usually escapes with various sorts of mental scars that still shapes his adult views on life. The adult life is crafted by the cruel intentions of the narcissist. The scape goat child usually has self esteem issues and some form of anxiety. But there is hope. We are in charge of our life after all.

If love doesn’t work then try Stockholm syndrome

There is a thin line between love and hate they say…

Maybe that is much more true than we think. There are people who suffer from battering from their spouses and still claim to love them. Are they stupid? No they are not. We know they are just suffering from Stockholm syndrome. But how can one separate Stockholm syndrome from love? After all anyone can claim to love anyone.

The same thing goes for various victims of abuse from child abuse to sexual abuse. Many times our minds are not able to comprehend the fact that people hurt us. Especially people who are meant to love us. Even more so when they show random moments of kindness.

I mean if your parents treated you like trash but always bought you nice clothes, there is a tendency to feel a tad appreciate. People with the Stockholm syndrome tend to defend abuse with some acts of kindness rendered.

Do abusers utilize the possibility of Stockholm syndrome or is it just random. That is a question for another day.

Are many parent-child relationships Stockholm syndrome

Happy new year guys! I’m back!

Now, before you jump on me for the title, first here me out.

I have come across so many horror stories of adult children who have gone through so much childhood abuse. But… still have relationships with said parents. Even when they still abuse them in some way. It’s actually pretty common. Some even defend them, while some say that they forgive. But why? Why have a wishy-washy relationship with unrepentant tormentors.

I believe a reason is Stockholm syndrome. Parental Stockholm syndrome exists more than reported. If it is even a case of study. People defending or glossing over abuse in the name of family love is just exactly that. Which brings me to my blog post coming soon, “If love doesn’t work, try Stockholm syndrome”.

See ya soon.

Does life have a check list?

Everyone is familiar with expectations. Even more common are the expectations that your family and the society wants from you. It starts like this: Go to school, Get a degree, Get into the work force, Get married and have kids. Of course the list goes on as your age progresses. But these societal check boxes are given a time limit. Apart from that, there is a concept that implies that fulfilling checklist will make you happy. So many people get disillusioned when their ticked check boxes does nothing for them.

There’s one thing such people should know- life does not give you checklist. I’m not saying that people should not be ambitious, the contrary is said here. Be your own person with your own purpose. Know why you are doing the things that you do. Don’t do anything just because society says that it’s the next step. Why are you studying that degree and choosing that work? If you don’t have your personal answer, then some revaluation is needed. Any check boxes you have should be truly yours.

Why existential crises may be a good thing

With the state of the world, it’s common for people to feel more out of place. Existential crises seeks answers to unanswered questions. It seeks to find the truth. Though sometimes it leads to depression and a pale outlook on life. When done the right way, it can result in an happier human. Ok, you may then ask

How to do existential crises the right way?

  • Asking the questions that can be answered : Choosing to ask the right questions that can be answered here on earth is a great step. Beware of glamorized questions with no possible answers. Ask questions like : Can life have a purpose? Rather than, Why did God choose me to be born in this position.
  • Avoiding generalizations: Try not to generalize the world just because of your current circumstances. Don’t make declarations to suit your current situation.
  • Look at the positives: Life may seem full of evil, but at the same time there is still good. Don’t try to dwell on evil in your existential pondering. Find the positive things going on, no matter how little they may be.
  • Refrain from carrying out unhelpful research : This is similar to looking for the positives. Don’t carry out fear based research to prove doom.
  • Be open minded and humble: Keep yourself mind open and have humility in acceptance. Even if things seem tough, remember just like everyone else you have a purpose, for good.