Monthly Archives: May 2017

Happy hill


A house stood on the hill

Tall,dark and gloomy

It was just across the road 

That road was called happy hill

It lead to a rich estate 

Of simple minded and happy people

Only by mistake,

If you missed the road

Will you spot the house on the hill

Inside was as dark

The flowers outside had whithered and died

No one knew the occupants

To comprehend someone living in such horror was uncanny

So many preferred not to know

But it was also not known,that the house-

Was the original happy hill

Before it crossed over to the other side

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Soul fatigue

Fatigue of the mind

The urge not to try

To give it all up

And let other influence control

It is a tiredness of the soul

Leaving

 I feel myself leaving

My fantasy world-

The place I had made

For all my impossible dreams to live

I am going away

Because I can handle it no more

What use is there to life

If the best moments are in your head

When I go,

I don’t know where to find peace

But surely it will come

Somehow…

If not,who cares?

Bowl of lies

Let me deceive myself,please

For it is much easier this way

Once I enjoy my bowl of lies

Then I will move on again

If the cure to pain is delusion

Aren’t I allowed to have it?

Who am I to act strong?

When I face an impossible truth

They say when your life is falling apart

The end result might be pleasant

But for me,I am too scared to face this

Maybe one day I will look back and laugh

Thinking I was so wrongly afraid

But today,give me my bowl of lies

Since I need it to survive

Then let me have it,please!

Complain freak

“Cheap fabrics,cheap meals”

“I deserve more than this!”

But what did you do for yourself?

Did you go out to work

Rather than sit and complain

Daydreaming of gold and silver

Craving for the riches of the earth

Even when it stared at you in the mirror

You!

The underestimation of what you can do yourself

Without the nagging and begging

Or waiting for a guilty meal ticket

You deserve more,

only when you give more, in talent and practicality

Funny how life works

I once said I hated poetry

Well,here I am writing one

I had told someone I preferred prose

Because I thought I was good at only that

It was the best form of art to me

The rich worlds of my characters…

Though prose would forever remain my first love

I have now fallen for poetry too

Funny how life works

Black

Black as coffee

Black as night

Brilliant like an ever star studded sky

It contains all the colours

Mysterious and elegant

The shine of nature

Pigment of the soil

Backbone of our blood

Unique like mother nature

Pure and unblemished

The earth’s glow

Unmutated,strong and bold

The universe is black

The milky way is black

The soul is black

He will come

 He will come

He can’t leave me here

Oh no he won’t

Not in this place

He will save me

Coming in like a storm

Helping me get back up

He will surely come

He knows I can’t go on without him

The feeling of my burden

He knows

The faith I have,it shows

He has to come

Because I cannot get on if not

Oh no

He will not come

Why do I decieve myself?!

The world can go fuck itself

*pardon the language 

People

The cause of every catastrophe and war

Humans,fighting for their own cause

Unhearing and blind to others plight

Fools

They can go fuck themselves

A need to do things a certain way

Or get teared down to shreds everyday

The world would chew and spit you up everyday

Victims?

Crybabies with no control

Over thought,matter or destiny

Looking to be handed a silver platter

Tortured artist

Angry over the minimal

Cannot transcend above the physical

Trapped in a societal loop

Of crafted careful design

Survival

We all survive

Or we have to

Making it through the shithole

Through we don’t need to

Nihilism

Nothing,nothing,nothing

Stoicism

Something of nothing for nothing

Existentialism

Something,something,something

The world does not fit a concept

In the rapid thoughts

Art dies like a Phoenix

But does it really rise again?

While the world goes up in flames

While everyone watches

People

An organism that consumes itself

Nothing nothing nothing

Something something something

What?

Does it really matter?

The world can go fuck itself

Apathy

My mind is in a blank place

After anger and sadness had merged together

Creating an emotion I had never dreamed of

Making room for lack of hate or lack of love

Just there

Existing calmly on the surface

After the world has toyed with my emotions

Telling me this,then telling me that

Calling me weak

Yet insisting I be strong!

Insinuating that I am magical for lasting this long

When I was just a regular being

Forced to act tough

I have been broken

And cannot be any longer

Like fine sand,my pieces lay

Bound together again

by apathy

Only by my apathy,oh my apathy…

Will you explore the dark arts?

Are you into tarot reading, birth chart reading, numerology, I ching, sychronicity reading, etc? Do you consider them as dark arts? And do you find it safe? If so, how deep can you go? If they can be considered dark arts the further you go deep into them, are they to be classified with Wicca, palmistry and divinition? Then can you explore those as well…

Tarot reading- prediction of future or current events through cards. Also the detection of current emotion and aura.

Birth chart reading- Astrology on a full scale, studying the date / time of birth and the planetary and house placements of each sign. Also the reading of the patterns.

Numerology- Figuring personality or life events by the link of numbers.

Employing the numerical value of the letters of the name to determine future events, personality and possible occurrence.

Here’s my home work for you- read up on the rest listed above.What opinion do you have on this?

Backwards

I had stopped trying,as I traced my steps

Backwards

There was no strife

As I ran away

Not facing the truth,was as sweet as pie

I knew all that was right

Even when I felt it wrong

I could not stop caring too much

For someone unaware of my being

Probably too caught up in life

I had started to move backwards

But I did not know

Fighting the waves of the ocean

That were not there for me to see

Blue hearts

Their hearts are blue

They were robbed of all their love

Cold fragments as feeling remain 

Drained of all compassion

Because they were never given any

They are now like walls

A shield,expecting only the worst

A remolded transfixed human

Created by the society that tried to break them

But they were unbreakable

They only lost their warmth

And became colder and colder

Till they became like robots

INFP struggles-MBTI

If you don’t know what “INFP” personality type means, I suggest you check out the Myer Briggs personality typing out. There are 16 personality types according to the MBTI,and also some not so major sub types, eg: A and T categories, etc. As an INFP here are some things I struggle with on a daily bases.

The INFP is know as the dreamer/mediator/healer personality.

I sometimes find myself in a state of constant daydream. Can you believe it, if I say I have created a complete world in my head. This world is filled with people both imaginative and real, performing the functions that I assign to them. Many will not be able to fully comprehend this. My world is a perfect rich make believe land, but it has troubles too. It can be hard to snap out of it, but I can always clearly distinguish my reality from my fantasy. This can lead me to being lazy when I’m actually ambitious. The INFP contradiction.

Because of my type, I’m prone to depression and being down on myself. I see the terrible things going on in the world and I know it can never be perfect. This makes me feel sad. I absolutely hate injustice and everyday I hope I can do more. I stand with the underdogs than the ones on top because I believe they need my help the most. I am unconventional and it puts me into trouble many times… I don’t share popular views and it angers people. I stand firm in my believe which I have a conviction about, not letting anyone shake me.
I am an introvert. Some people misinterpret this to mean that I am stuck up. My resting bitch face doesn’t help either. They think I am just strange or act above them when I desperately tried to fit in. Well, at this point, I’m done with all that. I sometimes say I’m a proud loner or a happy wallflower, unlike some wannabe wallflowers- those who say that to seem emo. But I’m not alone, my rich mind and world is my company any where I go. Literature and art is my medium. The need to end humanities pain is my motivator. I let my INFP creativity guide me.

I need constant stimulation, I get bored easily so my mind is always spinning with ideas. I abhor useless small talk yet I detest those who have nothing deep to say. I once cut ties with someone whose mind had no imagination, let me do all the talking and had nothing to say about the state of the world. I detest shallow people. Those who have no ideas of their own. Nothing to say that comes out of their own contemplation but what the media has told them. Those that cannot observe around them. The ones that live to just exist. The energy vampires that frustrate you, without you knowing why.

I hate injustice and double standards. Just as I stand for what’s right, I can turn a blind eye if you complain of injustice, while you are the type to be cruel. I’m not a people’s pleaser, a butt kisser, a social butterfly- so I have problems. I’m very thankful I was born INFP but also burdened. Sometimes I just get angry, if I was God I would have ended the world a long time ago.

Some people have literally told me that I think in a weird way, which was bad to them. I remember two people telling me to change the way I think. Why will I ever do that, lol. I know that I am superb to the extent of causing people confusion. As a child, I was shamed for being ‘too quiet” in public by my family. I was mocked for the way my voice went three times lower when I wanted to buy things. But now that my voice is all the way powerful, it does not stop family folks from looking for a button to push.

My room is messy, I get anxious easily, I have social anxiety, Ii am probably more radical than anyone you’ve ever seen, I appear cold but have a deep well of feelings, I am creative, disappointed and bored with the school system, I read for knowledge’s sake, brave, unconvention, free and most of all Me.

I am a proud INFP,no matter the struggles

Watch out for part two